Unemployed Side Nigga


0 notes

Anonymous asked: This isn't a question but I'd just like to say its been a pleasure reading your story Solly. Can't wait to read your next story, soon tuu :)

Thank You

12 notes

#ChroniclesOfAnUnemployedSideNigga Ep. 13


We’re in bed, I’m tipsy, and she’s not. She’s dressed in the skimpiest pj’s that had my thoughts going ballistic. She invited me here, so I assume we have to get it on, but in my head I do not want to give in and give her the impression that we will ever get back together. I face the roof for a few minutes in regret of actually coming to her place, I’ve seen so much with this girl for me to fall for such. At that point she is tossing and turning in bed, only wiggling her way closer to me. Her one leg goes on top of mine and kicks in other thoughts, manly thoughts as I now consider sleeping with this girl. I can sense she isn’t sleeping and I bet she knows I ain’t too, because we probably have the same thoughts and ideas but waiting for one of us to instigate action.

I move my hand onto her waist slowly. Now any man knows this part, that awkward move when you don’t want to jumpisa that you’re planning something, you just put your hand there like it was an unforced error, and it just happened by mistake lol. So I hold her waist as she now moves her bum closer to my manhood. (This is very detailed, so do not picture it in your head) I feel her ass on me and move my hand to her breasts. I start rubbing them as a boner creeps up on her bum and she feels it. She’s trying to maintain composure and keeps quiet. Then suddenly her feet rub up against mine, and at this point I knew ITS ABOUT TO GO DOWN. She starts reacting to the touching as she turns to face me. I try to kiss her, but she turns away quickly like it was just a toss in bed. I turn too and face up and she also pulls that awkward move and her hand lands on my D. In my head I can see her smile. I know we both aren’t sleeping, but who is going to instigate the 1st move. I chill, while her hand just chills in that same position.

I get tired of the suspense as I pull her towards me and go in for a kiss, we start kissing and its all happening so fast and eventually my hand moves towards her P. I do it slowly teasing her feelings touching her all over her body as I slowly head towards the heavenly gates, as I slot my hand into her shorts, she allows it to enter 5cm’s before she pulls it out. Haow, and now? Why? I ask myself in my head, we continue kissing and maybe she thought I was rushing it, so I played it cool. I’ll let it happen, as her hand reaches for my D. I did say this will be detailed. I allow her to enter fully and she grabs it. Mind you, this girl still hasn’t said a word. So I try reach in for her P again, because I figured her one hand is occupied as she leaves my D and pulls my hand out again. Guys know this move, its often referred to as the “Wrist Slap”. So I pause all of this and ask her, “Isn’t this what you wanted?”. She giggles and turns the other direction. She brought me here to tease me, make sure I missed that ass and tried to get me to return. What the fuck?! I think I need to vent in CAPS:


I decide fuck it, lemme sleep, well I didn’t decide, she did for me, by teasing me nje. I set my alarm for 8am so I can just get outta her place and go back home as soon as I open my eyes. I sleep.

8am the alarm goes off, I open my eyes, still feeling terrible and hanging only to find that she woke up a few minutes before me and she’s having coffee. I go to the bathroom and take a piss, and then go to her lounge, where those dusty couches still resided. The place hasn’t changed much in the past 3 months, no new TV or fridge, takeaway boxes filled up her bin and fridge and the same pictures still hanging on the wall, I say to her “Nothing has changed in this house” and she says “No, only you left.” And I ask to make a coffee; she says I should stop acting like I’m a stranger in her house and get it myself. I do. Now here we are, sitting on different couches, watching Morning live drinking coffee, waiting to discuss what happened last night. She then says to me “You embarrassed me in the club, by acting like you didn’t want to talk to me when you know you did.” I reply “But I didn’t want to talk to you, and I only got drunk hence why I ended up here”, she says “But you wanted to get it on last night, and you even asked if this isn’t what I wanted.” I look at her and reply slowly:

“First of all, I didn’t want to talk to you yesterday, I got drunk, you asked me to bring you home, I got horny and thought I can get it at the point. Clearly I lied to myself because you brought me here to tease me. I’m sorry for sleeping at your place or for giving you any ideas of us getting back together because it won’t happen, I have a girl. I won’t be hostile with you, I do not mind talking to you, but don’t act like we are dating. I’m actually in regret right now, because I would have done something stupid and beyond me.” As I sip off my coffee, stand up, get my stuff and decide to leave her place. She’s very bummed at this point because she realises her plan to tease me and hopefully lure me back did not work. I leave her place.

Now in the coming few days, we chat on BBm every now and then and it got to the day she told me she’s moving out of her place. I’m just like okay, because it made no difference to me, but this girl got to telling me her every step hoping to get close to me. On that day I was sitting at home in the morning when she decides to call me, and ask if I know of any storage places around Joburg, and I say no. She’s chilled and then asks me what I’m doing tomorrow, I say nothing and then she gets back to her asking ways, “Don’t you want to help me move my stuff to a storage?” my reply was very frank and honest, “Nope”. She’s like “Solly maan, I’m moving out of my place and need to get this stuff out before I go home, please help me since you have a van and I don’t have money to pay expensive removal people.” I made it simple by saying to her:

“Unfortunately I will not help you. Why don’t you ask whoever brought in your red and black couches?”

She says I’m back to my hostile ways. She forgot that she’s talking to the nigga with the least fucks to give, like if I had a bank account at the “Fucks Bank” it would be empty right now. She realizes she won’t win this battle and says it’s okay. She doesn’t chat to me for the next 3 days as I realized that she eventually made a plan and moved her stuff. Now things were going well in my life, I had a job now, getting the girl I wanted, there was nothing stopping me, except for a girl in denial. On Christmas day I’m chilling on my phone, bored and I see her putting up that picture of that hand on the gear lever, remember this picture that made me realize I was a side nigga. It brought back flashback of this girl and the flames she showed me, as I decided, it was time I deleted her, for good. I did, but she calls me a minute later and asks why I deleted her, because I actually deleted her while she was writing a Merry Christmas message to me. Fucks, remember, I don’t have any.

I say to her, I need to show her that I don’t need her in my life. I’m not sorry I deleted her, but I feel there is nothing for us to talk about anymore, she accuses me of being hostile once again, but this was my FINAL call. It was over! I never wanted to engage with this girl anymore. I told her to just accept that we won’t be cool. It was REALLY over!




NB: I need to explain:

When I started this blog, it was never to harm anyone’s reputation; it was to tell a true story that happened to me that many people can relate to. So these girls, RnB decided to call a friend of mine to ask me to stop writing after episode 2. He laughed at them and then they decided to call me and threaten me to get me fired, I laughed so hard at these poor girls, because they did not know that he’s a big fan of my blog. So I asked one request off them, that if they ever call me again, I will mention their real names in this blog. They never did.

I have many other stories to tell but nothing quiet as crazy as being an Unemployed Side Nigga. So watch out for a few more short stories I will write.


0 notes

Anonymous asked: LoL, is this fiction? Or this ish actually happened? Good read tho.

Actual events that happened to me

0 notes

Anonymous asked: Uhm so like can I have also ur BBM pin? Lol

lol rather my email address which is solly.hlaka@gmail.com

0 notes

Anonymous asked: Did you ever sleep with the other bad girls you partied with or you just sleept with R?

Hey, I was a bad bad man 

0 notes

Anonymous asked: U should become the new script writer for Generations...

hahaha thank you for the vote of confidence

19 notes

#ChroniclesOfAnUnemployedSideNigga Ep. 12

I answer the call and go quiet, waiting for this girl to say something 1st before I jump the gun. She greets as I greet back, checks how I am and I say okay, and ask how she is as she responds likewise. She starts questioning how I’ve been while in my head I think we are climaxing to the point where she tells me something interesting. We are in checking up conversation until it leads to an awkward silence, when she throws out the words “I missed you” and I respond “Oh, okay, where does this come from?” as she starts spilling out her feelings. Mind you I’m still waiting for the climax of this call because in my head it is not just about her missing me.

We continue talking about how our lives have been post that shit we had going on, as I start to lose interest in this call. Her airtime is about to run out as she asks me to call her back, I do. As she answers my call she says to me, “I actually want to see you, when can I see you Solly maan!” my response is pretty much cold as I ask “Why do you want to see me? Is there anything specific you wants to talk about?” she replies “No maan, I just miss my teddy and want to cuddle you sometime”. Now there’s a big sigh in my heart as I’m getting the idea that she isn’t pregnant. I double check whether that’s all, that she just misses me and she says yes. I ask her why though; I mean we hadn’t spoken for like 3 months. But before she answers I need to do something new, on this day I didn’t VENT, I celebrated in CAPS:


Back to the phone call:

So while speaking to her I remember that it is the week before Pop Bottles and maybe she might have called because she wants me to get her tickets. It was a possibility. So we continue the conversation as normal people until she asked me how my girl was. I did not have a girl at that moment, but was in the process of getting one, as in I was macking on one girl and it was still the early stages, but I had dedicated my mack focus to this one girl. And my reply to her was a lie, so I could avoid her thinking anything about us ever getting back together. So I reply “She’s okay, why?” as she starts saying that it’s interesting that I have moved on because she has been struggling to get over me. My D can’t have been that good that she remembered it 3 months later. She starts telling me about how she has changed her ways and has actually reflected on her life, I have taught her so much and my absence from her life has just been terrible because she really misses me. She tries to convince me how she has stopped hanging out with the friends that influenced her Rihanna bad behaviour and she has focused on her. The cold dude in me asked her why she’s telling me all of this as she replies without a pause in her annoyingly squeaky voice:

“Solly I want you back and want you to leave that girl you’re with. I know I’ve done so much bad to you but please stop being hostile because I have changed and all this change is for you because I miss what we had and it brings tears to my eyes that I let the one good guy in my life slip right through my finger because of my friends.”

A slight pause before I start laughing, and then reply:

“So you think I’m going to leave a Ferrari I haven’t driven, to go drive a Cressida that I crashed with a couple number of times. You must be delusional!”

She insists I’m being hostile and that I should consider it, as I continue to laugh at her waiting for her to say “I’m joking” but this girl was serious, she continued to say I should break up with the girl I’m with at the moment because she can offer me more. Now let’s think about this, how the fuck would I leave my current mack to go ride on an injured horse, I would be damn crazy or stupid to say the least. I slowly explained to her how that will never happen and her dreams will currently not become true. She’s very persistent as she brings back the fact that she wants to see me and would rather we talk about this in real life. Asks me when am I in Joburg as I reply next year, I was just being a bastard lol. She giggles and asks if I’m going to be at Pop Bottles, I say maybe, and that question pops up:

“Can’t you organize me and B tickets, then you and I can talk there?”

I laugh again and say to her:

“I’m not an organizer of Pop Bottles tickets, I’m not a bhut’ madlisa and if you’re going there then I might just stay at home.”

She says I shouldn’t be hostile because she just wants to talk. MIND YOU, WE ARE STILL TALKING ON MY AIRTIME HERE. I insist I’m okay with talking to her, we have nothing to talk about. She then says: “Okay, if you aren’t at Pop Bottles I know you will be at Icon, I’ll see you there.” I just giggle as I say I need to hang up and call my girlfriend(I didn’t have any, but needed to keep the act going). She starts sounding sad. I say bye hey, she says: “Wait, I miss you, and can you please send me your BBm pin”. I was like okay cool. I send it to her as she invites me faster than black fathers disappear in our country. I start putting up random statuses as to annoy the shit out of her ideas.

Now I think I made a big mistake giving this girl my BBm pin, because for the rest of the week she wanted to chat to me every second and has the guts to ask why I’m ignoring her, I’m quick to warn her to stop behaving like we are still dating because she has no privileges and sense of ownership over me, she’s sad, but remember me, I’m that guy with the least number of fucks to give about her and her feelings. So the weekend arrives, as she has clearly seen that I’m ignoring her and she asks again if I will be at Pop Bottles and I say No, I had tickets, but I was to avoid unnecessary people, plus I think it was raining when I woke up. So on that Sunday I was at home, and initially I was not going to miss ALS because of the rain, so I headed to JHB.

I arrived at ALS around 9pm, in avoidance of what I knew was gonna be a crazy night because all roads after PB always lead to ALS, trust me on this, check out the next one. I start drinking and my battery was sort of low, so I took it to the office for a charge as my night continued, it started becoming crazy because the rain was pouring and so were there many loyal patrons who just wanted to party at the club. It got packed and I know at that time people start requesting to get into the club. And there were the PINGS from R who was asking me to get her into the club, I ignored them, but as soon as I stepped out the office I see her face, I turn back and use a different exit as she continues asking where I am because she can see I’m reading her messages. I stay ignoring until I bump into her on the dance floor, she pulls my hand, pulls me closer and says can we talk. I insist it’s too loud to talk as she pulls me towards the exit. We stand close to the door as she starts going on about missing me and wanting us to get back together, we argue in the club to a point where I’m wiggling myself trying to walk away from her in what to bystanders clearly looked like an argument between a couple. She asks if we can talk outside, before a bouncer spots me and hears her and he says, “Just go talk to her Broda”.

The rain had stopped, so we go outside, she asks if we can go to my car and I say No. so we just sit outside and talk, I’m still adamant on the fact we’ll never get back together until she maybe realizes that sex can solve this problem as she asks if my girlfriend is at the club, I say No and she says then can I please take her home because she doesn’t feel like partying after my hostile rejection. I tell her it’s not my job to take her home and she should catch a cab or go back the same way she came to the club as I walk back into the club with her following me. I continue partying as she starts nagging on BBm for me to take her home please. I ignored such a request. Until the alcohol and horniness effect kicks in, I reply, “Where are you?” she says find me by the exit. I go there, find her and say to her, “Let’s Go” she did not hesitate or care to tell her friends, she just followed me to my car. We get in, ride out and I head to her place. On the way she offers me to sleep at her place as I looked drunk and she didn’t want anything to happen to me, I was calculating the offer in my head and its consequences, but I was a G.

We get to her pace and my mind was set on the golden prize, so I took my condoms just in case shit hits the fan. We go up to her place and I see those dusty couches and the memories of this place are still clear in my head, but I’m chilled, ask for a drink and Coke was offered. Have a glass and she says to me, you remember your usual sleeping place. I get to the bed, slip my shoes off, strip to my underwear and vest, switch the light off, get into bed and …..


End of Episode 12.

NB: There is none this time. But you want to know what happens next.

0 notes

Anonymous asked: The ANC has provided-what does that mean

It means we young and leaving and know how to hustle